Disbelief

So, I'm totally new at this whole blogging thing... But I thought this would be a good way to not only update my friends and family, but to have an outlet to try and put in to words this whirlwind of a month and the months to come.  And besides, we can use this for the nitty gritty that nobody wants to chat out loud about, well other than my RN buddies( we can talk about body fluids over lunch). I am so thankful for my awesome parents and sisters ( brothers in laws too), Matt- I cant imagine battling this without him, my wonderful friends, and  supportive bosses and coworkers. I truly am thankful for this life that I was chosen to live and know that God wouldn't give me anything that I can't overcome or handle.... So I'm ready to press on!

A tad bit of background.... I went to my primary care physician for my annual physical in late August.  I had some changes in bowel movements, but honestly thought it was no big deal, change in diet, or ulcerative colitis.  My primary care doctor referred me to a gastroenterologist- who saw me in his office on a Wednesday and I had a colonoscopy that Friday.  

The prep for the colonoscopy was by far worse than the actual scope... One, sedation is a good thing, two I will forever be more sensitive to my patients that are attempting to down that huge bottle of golytely:)  

After the doctor said the word "tumor" I heard very little come out of his mouth, I know he was talking and his lips were moving, yet I couldn't hear anything.  I remember grasping Matt's hand tighter, sobbing,  shivering, and trying to figure out what exactly I was suppose to do next?