Grateful

These past two weeks have been full of doctor appointments, phone conferences, google researching, tears, smiles, prayers, questions, banana flavored contrast, labs, etc.... I have spent hours trying to figure this all out only to realize that webmd and google don't have all the answers.  I met with the colorectal surgeon (early-thanks to some fabulous surgeons and coworkers that I work with!!) and discussed all the options.  I was totally prepared to chat, to go over the colonoscopy report, to figure out our plan, not so much for a flexible sigmoidoscopy.  Laying there with my knees tucked to my chin, I just closed my eyes and prayed- yet whatever it takes to figure this all out, I am game.

 I had a ct scan of the chest, abdomen, and pelvis on Wednesday October 17th.  Registering at the hospital that I work was awkward and strange. To look down at my wrist and see my name and birthdate on the ID bracelet just didnt seem right or fair, for that matter.  The banana flavored milky, day old pudding consistency, contrast was over the top...Why do they always try and make things banana flavored??? I will vow to never eat a banana flavored Popsicle from this day forth:) An hour later I drank the citrus flavored contrast, because nothing could be as bad as the banana- or it so could be 50 times worse. I attempted to just pinch my nose and throw it back, for some reason it was so much easier to shoot drinks when I was at Locos in Carrollton or at Hepsie Willis while in college:)

I'm not going to lie, I pretty much stalked out my surgeons office on Thursday to get the results. I think I heard their voicemail at least 4 times that day and chatted with the receptionist twice....they probably cringe when they see my cell phone number come up on the caller ID.  My labs were good... The CEA (a cancer antigen marker) was low, my liver is golden, and my blood count was actually normal (probably thanks to quitting my self crusade against meat, Anita).  There is a small, 5mm spot on my left lung in the upper lobe.  The radiologist says it is "questionable" considering my history of colorectal cancer.  Wait history, this is totally present day, right this minute.  The ct also showed a 4cm ascending aortic aneurysm... That's right, an aneurysm.  I'm pretty sure I made the nurse say it like 3 times.  Lets see, I don't smoke, my systolic bp usually runs around 115, no family history, I exercise, eat  healthy (most of the time) so how do I have an aortic aneurysm???? Needless to say that finding got me another doctor appointment scheduled and more quality time with my iPad researching.

Surgery, an anterior resection, is scheduled for October 30th.  Seeing that I have only had my tonsils and adenoids removed as an out patient procedure, I'm somewhat nervous.  As an ICU nurse I see the bad side of abdominal surgeries, so I'm trying to knock that out of my head.

My parents are devastated, which breaks my heart.  I told my mom on the phone the other night that I am spry and can kick this way faster than her or my dad could, so don't wish that it was them.   I pray for their health always, but even more so lately because I know they are so worried- Dad if you are reading this, you need to sleep:) I am lucky to be their daughter.  My sisters are awesome... I love their daily texts and calls, pictures of my nieces and nephews, emojis, and surprise "beef up packages" in the mail. And then there is Matt, he is my hand holder, forehead kisser, tear catcher, best friend.  So tonight I am grateful; grateful for my fabulous family (including my crazy puppies Lilly Monster and Deebo) I am grateful for God surrounding me with such supportive and caring friends and coworkers.  I found this quote the other night, it is totally fitting....you were given this life because you are strong enough to live it....